It didn’t hit me all at once. It crept in slowly, between meetings, nap schedules, daycare pickups, and dinner prep. I was ticking every box, staying on top of work, squeezing in workouts, and keeping the house in some kind of order. From the outside, I probably looked like I had it all together.
But over time, I started to notice a feeling I couldn’t shake. I’d put my son, Oliver, to bed and realise I hadn’t really seen him that day. Sure, I’d fed him, bathed him, answered his questions while half-listening, and kept things running. But I couldn’t remember the last time I’d truly connected with him, like the kind of moment where you lock eyes and feel each other.
It scared me. I didn’t want my kids growing up surrounded by love but still feeling alone in a full house. I didn’t want to build a life so full that it edged out the parts that matter most.
That slow, sinking feeling became a turning point. I started asking myself: What am I actually chasing? And what am I sacrificing to chase it?
The Myth of “Having It All”
Somewhere along the way, we were sold this idea that we could, and should, have it all. That we could be the present, patient, emotionally attuned mom and the ambitious, driven, successful career woman and the supportive partner with a thriving social life and a clean house. All at the same time.
And if we weren’t managing it all effortlessly, maybe we just weren’t trying hard enough.
I bought into that myth for a long time. I thought if I just organised better, planned more efficiently, or “hacked” my routine, I could do it. I could hold all the balls in the air without dropping any.
But what no one tells you is that having it all often means being stretched so thin that nothing gets your full presence. You end up living in the cracks, between work and family, between chores and emails, between who you are and who you think you’re supposed to be.
And the cost? It’s subtle at first. A missed cuddle. A distracted “uh huh” instead of an actual conversation. A growing feeling of disconnection from the very people you’re working so hard for.
Eventually, I realised the goal isn’t to have it all. It’s to define what actually matters to me and build a life around that.
Redefining “All” – Clarify What Actually Matters to You
Once I started peeling back the layers of “having it all,” I realised the issue isn’t that I need to juggle more, it’s that I need to focus on less, but with more intention.
For me, that means being truly present with my kids. I don’t want to just manage the logistics of parenting; I want to build a real, connected relationship with my children. That’s become more important to me than keeping a spotless house or saying yes to every opportunity that comes my way.
I began looking at the bigger picture: What kind of relationship do I want with my kids as they grow up? What memories do I want us to have together? I want to be the kind of mom who shows up. Not perfectly, but fully. I want to go on adventures with them, travel, laugh, be silly, and make memories they carry with them forever.
And when it comes to work, I want to build a successful career that I enjoy. One that allows me to use my skills, feel fulfilled, and provide for my family. I want to be proud of the way I contribute, without losing myself in the process, and I want to set the example for my kids that women can have successful careers just as well as men.
Then there’s my creative life: the blog, the podcast, the words and conversations that help me make sense of my story. That part is deeply personal. It’s not just about creating content, it’s part of my healing journey. It’s about connecting with others who’ve lived through hard things and helping them feel seen and less alone.
Once I got honest about those deeper wants, it became easier to make choices that aligned with them. I don’t have to do everything. I just have to choose the right things, and protect them fiercely.
Practical Boundaries: You Can’t Prioritise Without Limits
Clarity is only half the battle. The other half is protecting what matters through boundaries. And I’ll be honest: this is the part that challenges me the most.
It’s one thing to know what’s important. It’s another to say “no” to things that don’t align, especially when they’re good opportunities, when they come with expectations, or when saying no might disappoint someone.
But boundaries are how I honour my priorities in real life. Without them, the noise always finds its way back in.
Right now, boundaries look like:
- Logging off work at a set time, even if everything on my to-do list isn’t done
- Being okay with a messy house if it means I get quality time with the kids after daycare
- Saying no to social events when my tank is empty or I know I need to be present at home
- Treating my creative time as non-negotiable, even if no one else sees the value in it yet
- Letting go of perfection, especially in motherhood, so I can actually be present
Some days it still feels uncomfortable, like I should be doing more, proving more, pushing harder. But I keep coming back to this truth: I’m not building a life to impress other people. I’m building a life that feels good to live inside of.
You Don’t Have to Have It All — Just Everything That Matters
I used to think success meant doing it all, all the time. Now, I know it’s about alignment. It’s about knowing what actually matters to me and making sure my time, energy, and choices reflect that.
I don’t have it all. My laundry piles up, my inbox is a mess, I forget appointments, and I say no to a lot. But what I do have is a life that feels intentional. I get to connect with my kids in ways that are meaningful. I get to show up for myself and the things I care about. My job helps provide for my family, and outside of that, I’ve carved out space for creative projects that fill my cup.
There’s a kind of quiet joy in that. Not loud or flashy. Not perfect. But deeply fulfilling.
So no, I don’t have it all.
But I have everything I want.
Laura the Working Mom 